Before You Give A Consequence, Check These Tantrum Triggers

When your little (or not so little) angel acts out, it can feel like behavior that needs to be corrected, and fast. There's a nugget of truth in that feeling. While tantrums are developmentally appropriate and sometimes unavoidable, setting boundaries can help you manage them in the moment. But as distressing as their crying, screaming, and kicking may be (especially when your child has a tantrum in public), identifying tantrum triggers can be a much more effective way to contain the outburst rather than doling out consequences in the moment.

Tantrum triggers are those factors beyond the current situation that contribute to the meltdown. If your kiddo has had a fun day at the aquarium, but it's an hour past their usual lunchtime, tantrum triggers like hunger, fatigue, and overstimulation may be the real reasons why they scream when their banana doesn't peel just right. Other triggers, like transitions, unexpected changes, or feelings of disconnection, can also send them into a rage when you hand them their blue cup instead of the red one. 

I know that if I am hungry, exhausted, or stressed out, I am not at my best and will likely be much more reactive to life's daily inconveniences. Throw in an underdeveloped frontal lobe that is still learning how to process and communicate big feelings, and it's no wonder your 2-year-old throws himself on the ground when it's time to leave the park. Often, what your tantruming child needs most is for you to address the underlying triggers that sent her over the edge.

Granted, a child simply not getting their way can set off a tantrum on its own. Tantrums are often a primary way young children exert their independence. But other factors can exacerbate the frustration or disappointment of the moment and intensify the tantrum. Accounting for these triggers doesn't mean being permissive. It means approaching the behavior with understanding, problem-solving, and care, even as you maintain the boundary of ending screen time or saying no to buying a toy at the store.

They say the best defense is a good offense, and accounting for potential tantrum triggers is the best way to prevent them in the first place. Following a daily routine can prevent overtiredness and skipped meals while also ensuring moments of connection throughout the day. Making a habit of preparing for the day's transitions by talking about them before they happen, such as, "We have one hour to play at the park. I'll let you know when you have 10 minutes left, and then I'll tell when you need to choose the last thing you want to do before we leave," can go along way in preventing a tantrum, even if your kiddo is still sad or upset when it's time to go.

However, sometimes avoiding all those triggers is simply impossible. When they lead to a meltdown, your awareness of them makes all the difference in how you handle it and help your child through it. It's important to model calm behavior and how to handle disappointment in front of your child. Eventually, they'll learn to do it for themselves.