How To Make Toddler Transitions Less Likely To End In A Tantrum

Before you had a toddler, how often did you even think about daily transitions? Getting dressed in the morning, getting in the car, and going to bed were all non-events. In parenthood, they become the bane of your entire existence. Some are universally hard, like getting your child to stop playing and brush their teeth for bed, because they have to stop doing what they want to do to do something they don't. Who likes that? But even when the next activity is fun, like leaving the park to go get ice cream, shifting attention from one activity to the next is a big ask for young children with limited executive functioning skills. Plus, there's often uncertainty about what's on the other side of a transition, so it feels much more comfortable to stay put as opposed to moving on to something different.

So what's a parent to do? The first step is to approach the transition with this in mind and accommodate the reasons toddlers struggle with transitions as best you can. Daily and weekly routines are key because they diminish uncertainty and infuse transitions with predictability. When talking about the day's plan, be sure to mention the transitions your toddler struggles with, and use "First, then" or "When, then" sequence statements to prepare your child for them. For example, "First, you'll get dressed, then we'll go to the park." and "When you get buckled in your car seat, then we'll come home for a snack." You can reinforce these sequences for your toddler using the same phrases during the transition, too.

One of the best ways to prevent a transition tantrum is to offer choices so your toddler can move on how they choose. For me, a "Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood" jingle became my lifeline during the toddler years: "It's almost time to stop, so choose one more thing to do." My kids got used to it signaling a transition, and it proved way more effective than giving them a five- or 10-minute warning since they couldn't conceptualize how long that was anyway. Choices can work wonders for your toddler's sense of autonomy in the thick of the transition while providing a concrete action to mark the end of an activity.

If open-ended choices prove to be overwhelming for your toddler, limited choices can work just as well: "It's almost time to leave the park. Would you like to go down the slide one more time or take one more turn on the swings?" Even choosing between two options provides that sense of control toddlers crave and encourages a more cooperative spirit between the two of you. Screen time transition tantrums are especially common (Who among us doesn't struggle to put down their phone?), so offering choices for the next activity before your child gets on a screen can help when the transition arrives. For example, "After screen time, do you want to do a craft or play outside?" Of course, sometimes tantrums are simply unavoidable. When they happen, remember that what you say in the heat of the tantrum can go a long way in diffusing the outburst, getting through the transition, and moving on to the next thing.