When Bedtime Only Works With Mom, It May Be Time To Share It

If your little angel turns into a nightmare when anyone other than you attempts to put them down for the night, you're certainly not alone, but being the sole bedtime facilitator can feel especially isolating. Even if your little lamb embraces bedtime like a dream (what's that like, by the way?), it can still be tiresome being the only one fit for the job night after night (after night). Plus, if you plan to (ever) be away from home during bedtime, if there's a chance you might get sick over the next few years, if you plan on having another baby, or if you simply want to sit on the couch on occasion instead of reading three to four books and singing the same Ms. Rachel song 20 times every single night, you need, at minimum, a pinch hitter.

Parental preferences are totally normal for young children and are really about who they are used to and the routine they've grown to expect — it's not a sign of who they like more.  Having your partner handle bedtime, too, helps establish them as an equal caregiver and attachment figure, which is good for your partner, your baby, and you. Parents can start slow by doing the routine together, then having the non-preferred parent do bath time solo or read the first book before the preferred parent takes over, gradually handing off more and more of the routine. Expect that your child will likely struggle to make the switch at first, and remember that they are with a trusted caregiver and they are safe. They need time to adjust and space to have their feelings about the change.

As hard as the bedtime routine transition can be, it helps to get creative with your approach. For toddlers and preschoolers, a fun way to ease into it is for the non-preferred parent to act totally clueless about the bedtime routine. Have your child instruct you on what comes next and come up with silly ways to do everything wrong. Although maintaining a familiar routine at the beginning can help with the transition, the non-preferred parent can also create their own unique bedtime rituals that give their child something to look forward to. One parent on Reddit said this was key for their son: "When my wife started to try to copy my style with the running around and whatnot, he only wanted me. When she started her own way, he doesn't care."

Remember that babies can begin to understand language well before their first birthday, so don't underestimate the power of talking through the transition with your young child. Once you've introduced the idea of another caretaker handling bedtime, make a calendar for your child that shows who will handle that duty each night so they can rest easy, knowing what to expect. Whatever approach you take, the key to sharing the bedtime routine is to stick with it. As another parent said on Reddit, "I'd suggest having [the preferred parent] go do something out of the house at bedtime (walk, see friends) so nobody has the option to give in."