This Part Of Parenthood Isn't Normal. Now Moms Are Waking Up

Deep down, I always knew I'd be a "good" mother, yet I misjudged the impact this role would have on my identity as a woman. When I had my first child, I quickly realized that no woman is ever just parenting children without additional responsibilities hanging over her head. Worse, most of these extraneous obligations are either assumed or nuanced, and for many women, go unnoticed. In today's increasingly polarized social climate, many mothers (like myself) face an impossible standard of perfection. Thus, we work harder to go above and beyond to satisfy and protect our children while inadvertently letting our mental health and general well-being fall off a cliff. This begs the question: how much maternal sacrifice is too much?

I wrestled with this exact question when I went back to work in 2022. I had three kids, ages 7 and under, and my partner and I were committed to homeschooling. Yet, in 2026, after years of working from home, homeschooling my kids, and managing our home, I decided to put my children in public school. The paradox? I'm supposed to feel better. But now, I feel like a failure. (According to a 2026 Economic News Release from the Bureau of Labor Statistics, nearly 74% of mothers participated in the workforce or were actively looking for employment in 2025).

Unfortunately, the systems in society that mothers look to for support simply don't exist. Most women are not just mothers but also full-time employees, caretakers, and household managers. Adequately fulfilling multiple roles day in and day out isn't sustainable without self-sacrifice. While more women are starting to question this notion, the myth that motherhood requires constant self-sacrifice is still common and even expected.

Until this past summer, I never questioned how overworked I was. I was trying to do what I thought was best for my kids while simultaneously holding down a job. There was little to no time for self-care, fun, or excitement about life. According to the Motherhood Index, which is a range of surveys, community insights, and qualitative interviews from mothers all over the world, 93% of women say they have motherhood burnout, yet 61% describe their well-being as "good." This showcases how many women see maternal burnout as commonplace and naturally accept this pitfall as an integral part of motherhood. For many, motherhood and suffering go hand in hand.

Sadly, what most people don't realize is that when women become mothers, they undergo a development stage just as tumultuous as adolescence. The term "matrescence" encapsulates not just the physical changes that occur during pregnancy, but also the mental and psychological fortitude motherhood asks of women year after year. Science even supports the gravity of this transition. Based on the synopsis published in the journal Trends in Cognitive Sciences, matrescence has been shown to alter a woman's cognitive brain function, which continually adapts with her child's age over time.

The underlying issue is that most people are unfamiliar with matrescence. The term itself is still not even recognized in some U.S. dictionaries. Sadly, most mothers are still trying to uphold society's archaic, unattainable standard where women give too much of themselves for their children. However, doing so serves no one. Women are beginning to see that when they are not factored into the equation, their mental health suffers, and their suppressed feelings of isolation and loneliness increase.

Even though my kids are now in school, I find myself doing just as much work as I did when I was homeschooling. Besides managing my regular job, I am the parent who handles all communication regarding my kids' school and after-school activities. There is also laundry to fold and meals to make. 

The reason most mothers feel bad taking time for themselves is that they're often the default parent for housework and childcare. Based on a 2026 survey from the Pew Research Center, 81% of working mothers claim they're also responsible for handling parenting tasks on the clock. With the odds stacked against us to be exceptional employees and present mothers at the same time, self-care starts to look frivolous and, dare I say, selfish.

When my kids started school, I started running every day before work. Yet I sought my husband's approval because I felt guilty. Even though more women are beginning to question the amount of self-sacrifice they can endure, a heavy feeling of shame remains palpable. However, this feeling of inadequacy stems from a lack of structural support within our society.

Especially in 2026, America's exorbitantly high childcare costs, inconsistent maternal health benefits, and its pressure on women to become perfect mothers who make decent incomes set us up to fail. Questioning total self-sacrifice is a survival tactic. We can choose to honor ourselves as women and mothers and step down from being martyrs. Yet, unless we have a better support system, most of us (including myself) are stuck between choosing which kind of exhaustion we can live with.